I wouldn't have gone to the Alexander McQueen exhibition unless my friend, Paul Browning, had bought tickets for us.
For starters, I'm not a fashionista. I don't spend much time or money on clothing, and I know very little about the fashion industry. So, given a choice, I would have chosen an exhibition of paintings or sculpture. If I want to see clothes, I'll go to Bluewater.
Also, even if I had chosen the McQueen exhibition, I wouldn't have bought a ticket in advance; I would have rocked up at the door expecting to buy one, and then been frustrated to discover the show was sold out. It's art, for goodness' sake, not a West End show!
But that's the thing; Savage Beauty is a show.
The moment I entered the McQueen exhibition, I felt like I had teleported to another planet. Or travelled centuries back in time. I wasn't in the V&A Museum anymore. The lighting, the decor, the soundscape; it was unworldly. And the clothing was fantastic. Inventive and playful. Very theatrical.
It was more like sculpture than clothing. I loved it.
And except for the first room, in which catwalk videos were being screened behind skinny mannequins, I didn't once feel the urge to say "Zoo-lan-der" in a very deep voice.
Each room had a different theme and atmosphere - mostly dark and indulgently morbid - and entering every one was a delight. That's why I'm not going to describe the exhibition in detail. I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for you.
Visit the V&A Museum website, book a ticket, and go. Don't read reviews (except this one), don't Google images of McQueen's designs, and definitely do not watch this video until you've been to the exhibition. Promise me.
Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty is at the Victoria Albert Museum in South Kensington, London, until 2nd August 2015.
Richard Pettitt, cartoonist.