I overheard this phone call on a train between Clapham Junction and Oxted. So did the rest of the carriage.
I fear I haven't done justice to the comedy geezer who paced around in the carriage entrance and entertained/annoyed other passengers by bellowing into his mobile phone.
But I hope you'll thank me for cutting out the ten minutes of football-related banter that preceded this.
Poor Alan. I feel for the guy.
(First published on my blog page 12th May 2017)